Thursday, October 9, 2008

In Their Breed

One final humor article I've been working's a work in progress.


My grandpa electrocuted me when I was ten.

Grandpa had installed an electric fence around his prized garden several weeks prior. His dog had knocked over all his previous non-electrical fences and tore up his garden, so Grandpa finally decided to pull a Dylan and go electric.

The fence was short and easy to climb over, but had enough vaults going through the wires to knock his dog back several feet when it tried to knock it over.

Grandpa was always amused when he saw the dog attack the fence, and then go flying backwards with a yelp. “Dog needs to know his place,” he would justify to any of the shocked onlookers.

The day he electrocuted me, I was playing ball in the yard with my brother and a couple of our cousins. The ball was hit over the fence, and I was chosen as the one who would have to retrieve it.

Grandpa was in the yard watching the game and smoking his pipe. “The ball went over the fence, Grandpa.” I said pointing.

Grandpa smiled, reached for the fences switch, and turned it off. “Go get your ball, boy.”
I ran to the garden, climbed the short fence, retrieved the ball, and tossed it back to my brother. I waved to Grandpa, who smiled and puffed on his pipe.

I was halfway over the fence when Grandpa turned it back on and sent volts all through my body. I fell to ground crying in pain.

My parents came outside immediately. “What’s wrong?!” My mom shouted.

“I think Grandpa just electrocuted Scotty.” My brother said confused.

My parents ran to me and helped me to my feet. When my mom knew it was nothing serious, she went to my Grandpa and said, “What’s wrong with you, you sick old man. That’s your grandson you just electrocuted.”

“Little shock won't kill him,” Grandpa said with a smirk, “Boy needs to know his place.”
I looked at Grandpa when he said this; it was the same thing he always said when the dog was electrocuted. Grandpa looked at me, and seemed at first to have pity, but then took a puff on his pipe and smiled, “That will teach you to go in my garden, boy.”

At this my brother started laughing.

For me, this was just the start of seeing what diabetes does to a person’s mind.

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