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Weekend Funnies

Meet Your Next Computer

I have been watching the CES conference closely from afar; a few things impressed me (the wireless battery charger, and, surprisingly, Windows 7...but only if it's truly not the resource hog they claim it's not, and will really run on NetBooks), but only one thing truly amazed me: the Eee Keyboard from Asus.

For years, people have been trying to push the computer into the living room (most notably Microsoft), but it's never really caught on. I think the biggest reason is it's just not simple enough. And, no one wants to have some clunky desktop sitting next to their TV. Media centers are a great idea, but never, in my opinion, been very practical.

What makes the Eee keyboard so different is everything is built right into the keyboard...including the wireless HDMI (so no cords going from the monitor to the keyboard)! I currently have a Mac hooked to my TV, and one of the biggest problems I have with it is the mouse; I can't lay in bed and comfortably use the computer, because I need a hard surface for the mouse. This keyboard has a touchscreen mouse built in.

Asus also has a history of making cheaply priced products (albeit with sometimes cheap parts), and if that is true here, then I really see this catching on.

Unfortunately, it's all a prototype right now so it might not ever come to life; my guess, however, is Target and Walmart will have them on their shelves in time for Christmas next year.

As for the biggest disappointment...Windows 7; they promise a great product and then release the Beta with Vista as a system requirement! So they promise the GUI will run faster then Vista on machines that Vista ran too slow on, and then they say, but you'll just have to take our word on that.

Charles Dickens Master Bates?

Roland from the Book got into a heated debate with me over whether or not there was a character in a Dickens book called "Master Bates." I knew that there was, and I set out to prove it by going to the best source: Project Gutenberg. Needless to say, I won the argument when I found the following passage from the ninth chapter of Oliver Twist:

'Wipes,' replied Master Bates; at the same time producing four pocket-handkerchiefs.

It's also funny, in a tacky way, that the first instance the book contains the word "Master Bates" also contains the word "Wipe"...I think it proves that Dickens was a pervert.

The character is of course Charley Bates, but he is referred to in this instance (and several other places) as Master Bates; when I was an English Lit student, the book that I had contained a list of characters in the front of the book, and he was also referred to there as "Master Bates," which I always got a kick out of...it was the only funny thing about the book.

Zack and Miri Make a Hancock (Spoiler Alert)

I have a new Hancock review, and with it a spoiler alert; so if you actually want to see the movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno and don’t want it ruined, then stop reading here.

 The movie started much better than expected; Zack and Miri have decided to make a porno, which is no big surprise, but the porno they chose to make (a parody of Star Wars) was quite clever. Unfortunately, a fire shut down production on this potentially classic romp full of awesome innuendo and wickedly funny puns, and they decided to instead make a porno about people working in a coffee shop similar to Star Bucks; there’s really nothing clever or original about that. It’s just people screwing around in a coffee shop, which doesn’t make for great comedy. Having someone drop coffee beans on two people making love is neither sexy, erotic, or funny—it’s just plain dumb…as it a girl pooping on the camera man who is filming an anal sex scene from an angle (yes, this was actually in the movie and it’s as disturbing as it sounds).

The Hancock, however, is not pulled when they decided to do a new film; the Hancock is pulled much later in the film—at the end. I expected Zack and Miri to end up together in the end, and they did, but as soon as they hooked up the director decided to roll the credits and pull a Hancock. There was absolutely no mention of if they actually released the porno. Perhaps there was something at the end of the credits, as is often done in comedies, but I just couldn’t bare to waste anymore time with the film to find out; and for me a movies plot ends when the credits roll—directors who decide to tidy things up in some lame montage as the audience sees the names of stuntmen and assistance to the director are just being sloppy. The point of the movie, at some point, changed from a comedy about making a porno to a comedy about finding your true love—unfortunately the director forgot to explain any of this to the audience through believable scenes.

For as raunchy as Kevin Smith can be at times, he actually has a way of giving meaning to the most bizarre plots and people; this is part of why I wanted to see the movie; you connect with the characters in ways you didn’t know was possible. But in this film he just gives cheap anecdotes and cheap laughs. It’s like Smith set out to prove that making a porno can be romantic and heartwarming (and maybe it can), but he certainly didn’t prove it in this film. The only thing missing was a cameo by Jay and Silent Bob being gang banged for a scene in the never released in porno…but maybe that was in the credits.

Oddly Amusing

The pictures at this page are more strange then funny, but still entertaining.

The Years Best

There’s still a few movies I want to see this year (i.e. Gran Torino, Che, Frost/Nixon, The Wrestler, and Revolutionary Road), but I probably won’t make it out to see them anytime soon.

 I think it’s safe to say that this year, more than any other year in recent memory, was the year that blockbuster movies were actually good; usually there’s one or two good blockbuster movies, and the rest are simply entertaining popcorn flicks. Below are my top 5 books & movies of the year:

Movies:
WALL-E – yes, I nearly cried it was so beautiful; it’s Pixar, so I knew it would be great, but this was beyond great—it was a masterpiece, and now ranks just below Wild Strawberries as one of my all time favorites.

The Dark Knight – This movie felt, at times, more like a roller coaster ride then a movie—it had more twist and turns then any Batman movie before it, and I’m sure I’m not alone when I say it’s the best one in the series.

Slumdog Millionaire – I am not a huge fan of Danny Boyle, but after this movie, I just may become one. It gives one of the best glimpses of true India that I have ever seen, and was truly touching. The acting wasn’t always great, especially by the gangster brother, but the story made up for its shortcomings.

Iron Man – I guess Robert Downey Jr. isn’t all washed up after all? Not quite the dark masterpiece of The Dark Knight, it was nonetheless a greatly paced and highly original story; I can’t wait for the sequel.

Tropic Thunder – If it hadn’t been for Downey playing an Australian guy acting like a black guy, I probably would not have liked this movie at all. 

Books:
Post Office - It's my wife's favorite book, so I had to read it, and it didn't disappoint. It wasn't really about anything, but I think that's sort of the point. Whatever the case it was quite funny.

The Yiddish Policemen's Union - I read this book much too quickly to properly enjoy, and I am going to reread it again soon. Chabon wrote one of the greatest novels I have ever read (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay), and is the king of style; it's going to be hard for him to top Kavalier & Clay, but he's still a great writer, and rarely disappoints.

Watchmen - I didn't think it was as good as everyone always says. Yes, for a comic book, it was great--perhaps the greatest. I would hardly list it as one of the 100 best books of the century. One of my top 5 favorite books of the year, but only because I didn't read a lot of really great books this year.

The Wordy Shipmates - I was a bit disappointed, because it didn't have quite the same with as "Assassination Vacation." Still it was interesting.

In Defense of Food - Okay, I'll admit I didn't actually read this book; Diana read it. But she gave me a overview of what it was about each night before I went to sleep, so I didn't really need to. I wish more people would read books like this, instead of blindly continue to eat unhealthy and think they'll be fine.